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    Anything Writing, Critic

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    eam22900

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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  eam22900 on Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:18 pm


    Chapter 1
    A Child is Born

    For my entire life I've been a normal teenaged girl living in a petit village called Ambronga. I never would have expected this sudden change in my life. I would have always thought I would be forever young with my best friend, Sandy, and my pesky sister, Jasmine. When the love of my life and father of my children, Alek, found me that day in the woods my life would, whether I was aware of it or not, change drastically. The year is now 2130 I am now 61 years old. I grow older each day and wiser. I've discovered some facts on life as I've experienced so much. The main one is the fact that life is never truly fair, but if it were, what would we have to live for? Not many people consider this fact, they constantly complain if something doesn’t go their way but if they were to get everything they wanted the world would be dull and blunt. At first I expected to get everything I could ever want from these people I now call my family, but in the end I tend to their needs instead of mine. The family I once had shunned me knowing what I am. Life was unbearable after that until my son came home from a horrendous battle. My daughter is lost in evil. Yes, Alek and I had children. Twins in matter of fact. Their names, Amora and Fray. Fray, being my son, looks like a spitting image of his father and Amora looks like me just with Alek's kind and gentle eyes. Fray has my nose though. Amora was kidnapped when she was only 14 years old. She came back only once. She must have been about 20. The battle she led was an attack of rouges. These Rouges were Katzen who had roamed away from their pride. In a nutshell a lot has happened within the last 50 years or so of being a Katzen, so after this short summery are you ready to go back to the day I was born?

    June 18 2069-Russia
    I was born (no, not in a manger) but in a small den during a battle. When I was first delivered into the world the healer, Surant, cared for me (well he wasn't the best with babies) while my mother fought the battle. We do not live with the human society and their obnoxious technology. We live simply in the woods, even now. My mother kissed my head, cleaned herself up, reached for her bow and quill, then ran out of the den prepared to die. I don't know what happened exactly (my memory has faded throughout the years) I've heard stories from elders and other Katzen who were there though. My mother, Karina, had beautiful dirty blonde hair, she was tall and slender, and had plump, gorgeous lips. I inherited everything but the lips, that I envy for. My father, Dakota, still had 4 lives so he was defending Karina until Leaf, one of my closest friends, was blinded by a Draufganger. That's when my mother died. A large black wolf jumped on top of her and bit her head off. Her body shred by its massive claws. Then a tall man with a scar above his left eye came into the den where I laid. Surant unsheathed his claws prepared to protect me then out of nowhere the man pulls a gun out of his coat and just like that Surant is dead.



    here's my first what, like 2 paragraphs, i just restarted like 20 minuets ago....i kept messing up Sad


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    Legolas

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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:30 pm

    i still liked it pretty good detail


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  eam22900 on Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:32 pm

    thx, idk like how else to describe birth................


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:33 pm

    its not like you put AAHHHHH PUSHSS AHHH PUSSSSSH


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  eam22900 on Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:38 pm

    no really? lmao she alread like out sooo what should i do now........ santa Neutral


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:39 pm

    -face palm, face palm, face palm,-

    at least you said out


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  eam22900 on Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:41 pm

    well if iggy reads this i dont wanna scare her, yet Very Happy Twisted Evil Very Happy Twisted Evil Very Happy Twisted Evil Very Happy


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:41 pm

    AHHH EMILLYYY. I COULKD ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND IT AND I REALLY WANT TO READ IT! GREAT detail btw


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  eam22900 on Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:53 pm

    oh why ah thank you (blushes) lmao u GOTS TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG, ITS CALLED Fever by Adam Lambert Razz u should wach him sing it live 2, him and tommy ooh lala


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:54 pm

    ok alsoooo can you go on page 5 of this topic and look at my first chapter of doutan? it like at bottom. i know it boring and i needa edit it but still


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  eam22900 on Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:03 pm

    okey dokey artichokie, alsooo i tweet tommy joe and asked him to check warzo out, doubt he will butttttt (flinches) if he does, pweez dont kill me Razz


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:04 pm

    OH MY GOD EMILYYYYYYY. WHAT THE HEEEECK?

    also i really dont care but did you read it? i know it sucks right?


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  eam22900 on Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:10 pm

    What, i highly highly doubt he'll go on and its not badd it good, i gtg take a shower ill b back on if i can


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:10 pm

    ughhherrrr fiine


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Mon Jan 28, 2013 3:12 am

    Ok so this is sort of random but I really wanted to do it
    Completely fan fic of darker than black
    and I'm pretty rusty on this while writing deal so...Ill try
    Sorry if words are weird my kindles auto correct is messed up
    Also changing up setting a bit

    Gonna explain a little....

    Hell's Gate
    a giant black stone barrier taller than the tallest building you've seen. Its think and unpassable unless you work inside of it doing research on what its keeping humans from getting to. It separates present day New York City from an unone area home to all the evil forces and dangerous and messed up things.

    Contractors
    most were once humans like you and me and turned ti contractors against their will by some unexplained catastrophic event. Others were born contractors if their parents were both which is rare.
    -Each of them have a star in the sky. FAKE STARS. All of the stars replaced with the stars if contractors ever since hells gate appeared.
    -when using their power their star is active and the police/angency/government gets that information and goes after the contractor hoping they'll Catch him or her in time to keep everybody from finding out about contractors.
    -each if their powers are different. Ranging from simply killing them through the mind or exploding them with your own blood.
    -they're called contractors because every time they use their power they have to pay a price. Ranging from having to cut yourself or kiss the nearest person.
    - human society doesn't know about them but when someone does they do their best to keep quiet because when you do know about them the government erases your memory of the past days where you'd witnessed the contractor.

    dolls
    -another being that used to be human but hells gate took effect and now an organazation has all these "fake bodies " called dolls that watch over all over the country collecting data
    - they each have a spectar which is pretty much their ghostly form from the inside of hells gate....yes I know complicated
    -they don't have feelings or expression and they cant act on their own without being ordered.
    -some can do thinks such as say yes or no and some cant do anything at all but stare I to nothing awaiting stupid orders.
    -but their evolving and contractors and the gov. Are noticing. And its nit exactly a good thing to the gov......

    I just gonna be super descriptive so I don't have to put more explaining...here it goes....my fingers already tired ugh.


    Sirens blared as Chief Misaki Kirihara bareled down the road talking into the trunk system. "Saito do you have the criminal? Give me a location. " she said trying to stay calm. Saitos voice came in muffled as it always did through radio communications.
    "No. We lost him. The copters up in the air had a visual on him until he escaped to the rooftops. Hes staying hidden well but....wait! Hes. ...hes levitating off the building! How is this possible?! Cheif!"
    Misaki hung up and raced through the streets in her police car after confirming his location. Transferring onto a well armed helicopter, they took her and an elite team of officers to the top of the building.
    When they got there it was to late Yutaka and Saitou were looking over the edge of the biulding where the guy had dispappeared.
    "What happened here ". cheif Mistaking stomped forward hand on her shotgun. Annger swells inside of her. The dread of losing a criminal to the big city. She opens her mouth to demand answers but her bandied talkie buzzes to life."cheif we received data from the astronomics. When your criminal was levitating star 13R2 was active."
    Misaki raises the tranciever to her mouth and holds down the button "copy. Thank you. Keep up the good work." She turns it off hookng it back to her belt and fur s towards yutaka and saitou. "Hes a contractor. We must catch him quick before the public notices. His is capable of defying gravity. Be careful." Withe a nod from their chief they took action, but the police were racing against time but they weren't the only ones.

    A lean curtain of black raced over the rooftops in a long black cloak, the green lining inside glinting as the wind whipped the back of the cloak around. The runner's shaggy black hair fell over his mask. On the white mask were two black slits for eyes, a purple jagged line of lightning going through the right eye hole. A wide line of red was the mouth. Th mask set a dark look to the figure as he jumped over one last gap. He landed softly on the other side and hugged against the wall of the big square like thing on the top of the building used for stairs. He crept to the edge and peaked over the side seeing the same Blonde middle aged man the cops had been chasing.
    He was sitting against the wall, the blue glow around him gone since he wasn't using his abilitity. He cried out in agony as the crunch of his finger echoed as he broke it with his other hand. He did the first finger. And then the next. And then the next each causing him more pain.
    The man in a tight black cloak came out from behind the. With his dagger uncheathed. You could barely make out his features in the darkness. "Breaking your own fingers contractor? " his voice was smooth, like the voice of an 18 year old boy. He held the egged to the guys neck emotionless behind the mask.
    "Its my price." His Voice cracks at the last word as he breaks the last finger bending it in the wring direcetion the bone popping out of place practically protruding from the skin. He looks up at the man in black with a crude smile."not all of us are like you Black Reaper. Are you here to take my life? " he stands unsteadily.
    The black reaper backs away from him waiting for the contractor to make the first move. "There is no reason you shouldn't die.'
    "Isn't that odd. I thought all contractors had to be rational to kill with a rational reason. " he flexes his fingers and they suddenly look normal again to only be broken and cracked again over and over the more he uses his abilities. He starts to levitate but the black reaper thrusts his hands out shooting metal wire out in front of him from his sleeves wrapping around the older mans ankles slamming him against the ground.
    The contractor scrambles to his feat and the black reaper lets his ankles go. As the man plunges at him the man in black steps to the side grabbing the guys arms twisting it behind him and clips over him causing the contractors shoulder to dislocate. He screams and kicks his openant but the black reaaper thrusts his knife into the mans heart and he chokes blood gurgling to his mouth. "They'll ....get.....you...." his eyes squint in pain glaring at the black reaper but his strength starts to regain being how strong co tractors can be.
    The masked man can feel an electric surge go through his body into his fingers through the knife and the Blondel guy starts shaking uncontrollably being electric Utes with blue lightning. "Let them try " he says amusement in his voice. He pushes the guy and he collapses dead blood pooling around him. He slips the knife back onto its sheath and takes a step to turn around.
    "Stop right there BK201. Hands where I can see them." Misaki spits every word of venomously . Four more officers ruler in behind her. Two if them being Saitou and Yutaka and the other to professional military comrads.
    He turns with his hands still at his side and tilts his head at her.
    "I said put your hand where I can--" before misaki can finish the black reaper backs off the building disppearing. Misaki and the other rush to the side but no one is falling or is on the ground. She kicks the ground in frustration.



    Hei sits on the play ground benches that wraps around the tree. His mask is no longer on and he sits in a white shirt and jeans looking happy and pleasant with his hair all in his face. Mow, a contractor that had died while in the possession if the body of the cat therefore his human is gone and hes stuck as taking the form of animals- is perched by hei
    "Did you finish him? "
    "Yes."
    "Hope he wasn't to much of a challenge " the cat mused.
    "Easiest one in a while "
    "Well don't get to happy. They're after you now. They don't know who you really are but you have to be careful. Yin are they still in persuit? " the cat turns toward a short skinny girl wearing a tight purple dress that puffs out st the waist and a black sweater. Her silver hair pulled back n a messy pony tail with her bangs falling above her eyes. She sits next to then staring ahead with no emotion at all." No. They stopped last night." Her voice stays one tone and one speed not averting her eyes to the nothing she stares at. Hei looks at her longing her to have feelings.
    "'Thank you Yin." Mow nods his cat head in thanks but she says nothing being the lonely doll she is.


    ........so uh.... ya....




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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Mon Jan 20, 2014 9:32 pm

    okaaay so i wanted you to read this so just read it when you get back

    chapter one of apartment au 

    I stormed up the stairs, my big combat boots making my stomps sound louder then normal. 
    I was pissed.
    Then again, I always am. 
    It was Friday, finally. I had just gotten off work from Carmelio’s, of course I was forced to clean up and lock the doors. 
    I got to my apartment, 2B, on the third floor. Their was a large box in the hall, in front of the apartment across from me, which was usually vacant. 
    Someone must be moving in. I groaned internally. New people, socializing. I got enough of that already from my annoying neighbors upstairs.
    Kendal Cloud and Strife Cotter. The two most loud lovers I have ever heard in my entire life. They were nice, Kendal more so, she waitressed with me at the restaurant as a side job. She also illustrated and wrote her own manga, which was actually pretty good. Strife was more shy but he was polite and always said hi. 
    They lived here longer then I have, I moved in a couple months ago, from South Africa, much different from Seattle. The first time we actually met, or what I consider the time we met, was the night I moved in. 
    They are ridiculously loud. It was quite easy to make out names. 
    Then the week after I met Kendal at Carmelio’s. She was much different from what I imagined. 
    The Kendal I thought of was much more girlish and annoying, that might be because I judge people quite quickly. 
    Kendal and Strife are 20, I’m 22. Kendal is a bit taller then me and she is oddly intimidating with long black hair and vibrant amber eyes. Her arms and legs are muscled and tanned from growing up in California (I only know that because she is always trying to talk to me) and she is an inch taller then I am. She bar tends, her ability to turn from rebellious teen to no nonsense adult helping her in every aspect. 
    Strife actually worked there to. He plays piano and sings but I think he has another job, not sure what it is though. Strife has black hair that is shaved underneath and deep blue eyes. He’s around 6.2, lean and muscled and he had an aura around him that made me think he was a soldier, or is. Though Strife is quiet he has a dry sense of humor and is always smiling around Kendal. It’s obvious they love each other and I assume that something else happened in-between them that made them so close. 
    I opened up my door and shut it immediately, sighing and letting myself smile as I kicked of my combat boots. I heard a bark and my large German Shepard, Maliha, jumped off my bed, which was in the other room. She sniffed my hand and wagged her tail and then a Russian Blue cat jumped from my large TV set to my feet, purring and rubbing against my leg. “Hey  Crispen.” I smiled more and picked up my cat, rubbing in-between his ears. I plopped him down on my marble kitchen counter and reached under my shirt, unbuckling my bra and sliding it off. I sighed and reached my arms up, hearing a pop at my shoulder blades. I shimmied down the plaid skirt I have to wear for work and then I stripped off my stockings. With Maliha trailing behind, I lazily walked into my room and grimaced at the pile of clothes on my bed. 
    “Great.” 
    I grabbed the laundry bucket on my floor and threw the clothes into it, frowning at my stained clothes. Maliha hopped on my bed and licked my face, my pets always seemed to know when I was annoyed. But that’s always.
    I slid open my closet, my hands searching through for something suitable to wear, I found nothing of course and settled for a thin all blue shirt. 
    I grabbed the bucket and walked out of my room back into my kitchen, putting it on the table. I glanced at the door and did the routine I did every night. 
    What time is it? 10:30. Is the laundry room open? Yes. Will anyone be down there? No. Kendal and Strife will be inside, they do laundry on Saturdays, Med student and dyed hair will be at work still, Egyptian girl and her ratty boyfriend will be having sex. Like always. Everyone else does laundry during the weekend. 
    I do it every time I leave my apartment. I hate to see people, I can’t talk to people, I’m awful at it, my English sucks, it’s awkward, they don’t care, I don’t care. I just don’t do it. 
    So the past few months I made a mental list of when my neighbors leave their apartments, I’ve calculated the times and the days that they leave for specific things: like work or when they go shopping each week. All of them have a scheduled day when they do certain chores. It was simple once I memorized it. 
    Still in only underwear and a ratty t-shirt I put on fluffy socks and put my hair up in a messy bun. I hugged the bucket against my chest, took a deep breath, and then left my home. 
    The laundry room is on the first floor. I got their in a couple of minutes, taking my time to make sure I was positive no one would be down their. I backed into the door of the room and put my bucket on the first machine I saw. 
    As I put my clothes in, separating the dark and whites and delicates, I didn’t feel any worry. That is until I heard the vibration of another machine. 
    I looked down. Wasn’t any of mine. I didn’t turn them on yet. 
    Shit.
    I turned very very slowly. At the very back of the long room was a man. I could only see him from the back, but I already felt a rush of cold go into my chest. 
    What did I miss? I took everything into account, there couldn’t be any one I missed!
    Then it hit me. The box in front of the apartment across from me. Someone new moved in.
    Fuck. 
    I was about to grab my stuff, but they were already in the machines, I had put the detergent in. 
    I couldn’t stop my eyes from looking at the man, I felt my cheeks get hot. 
    I could tell he was around my age, he was shirtless and had pale, white skin and had shaggy light blond hair. He was muscular alright, he didn’t even seem to notice me, his strong arms moving as his fingers pushed buttons. He wore loose black sweatpants, I could clearly see his boxers and the beginnings of his hips and I gulped.
    Oh shit, he’s hot. I took a deep breath. You don’t know that yet Serena, you haven’t seen his face. 
    He turned, looking at his own bucket of clothes, which were on the machine next to him. He has hazel eyes
    I am so fucked. 
    Suddenly he stiffened. 
    No. No don’t see me. 
    He turned around staring straight at me, his pretty eyes wide and alert as a blush creeped across his face. His hands short of shook and he moved backwards, hitting the machine behind him. 
    Say something! I screamed at myself. 
    But there was only one thing I thought, and then I blurted it out. 
    “This feels like the beginning of a porn movie.” 


    its kinda short and i got some stuff wrong so just tell me and ill fix it cause i wanted to get it done quickly
    i kinda like it and ya its got a bit of cursing so uh ya. 
    also i wanna do like a second person neer pov but im not sure how


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Mon Jan 20, 2014 11:08 pm

    Neer usually wasn’t ‘afraid’ of people, he just nervous around them. Especially girls, he always felt awkward around them. He was always to tall and clumsy and he ruined everything but he never had so many mixed feelings about one girl, not even one he knew for a while. 
    But when the thin, golden haired women looked at him with her emerald eyes his brain shut down. 
    He was scared, scared of saying the wrong thing, making this girl, that he didn’t even know, hate him. He had no idea why either. 
    She was tall for a girl but defiantly not the tallest girl he’s met, around 5.7, and she looked to be about his age, in her early twenties. 
    But she was literally the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. 
    Her face was thin and she had large green eyes, not blueish green but green, bright green. Her hair was golden, all of it, pure gold, even though it was up in a bun he could still tell it was long and wavy. Her body was thin and she had small delicate hands but the way she held herself made it clear to Neer that she was not someone you want to mess with. Her bright eyes held a certain depth to them, a hardship. Neer understood that.
    Her voice was low but crisp and for a moment it almost sounded like she had a British accent, maybe not British, something else.  
    Neer couldn’t help looking at her body, she had thin curves which were obvious in what she was wearing. 
    When she finally said something it jolted him out of his shock and shook his head roughly. 
    “N-no!” Please don’t think I’m a pervert “Thats not- I don’t- I’m not!” She thinks your a pervert. 
    You’re not? Not what?” She cocked her head to the side and Neer felt his face grow hotter along with other parts of his body. He glanced at her legs again.
    Stop it! 
    “This is awkward.” The women took a step back pulling down her bucket from the washing machine holding it in front of her. It was obvious now that she too felt uncomfortable. Her bottom lip trembled like she might cry but her eyes had no sign of emotion in them until she snapped her head up looking at him in interest. 
    “Are you from Australia?” 
    Neer could only nod.
    “I know these two aren’t really close but, I’m from South Africa.”
    That was the accent. 
    “Are you going to talk anymore? Because I really suck at conversations, especially since I am just standing in my underwear.” 
    “Sorry.” He almost yelled it and his large clumsy hands flailed to try an apologize. 
    “Not your fault, I didn’t realize anyone would be down here.” Her voice was a tiny bit sharp and then Neer realized she was only pretending to be nice. 
    “You just moved in today right?”
    “How did you-”
    “I saw you moving in, you live across from me.” 
    Terror tingled down Neer’s spin making him straighten up. He was probably going to see this girl every day, something about that was scary but also thrilling.
    “I guess I should introduce myself huh? I’m Serena, Serena Watson.”
    Serena Watson. A beautiful name for a beautiful women. 
    “Neer Cotter.”  was all he could manage. 
    “Cotter?” she blinked “Are you ... do you know a Strife Cotter?” the trace of a smirk tugged at her lips.
    “He’s my brother.”
    “I live right below them.”
    Them. Kendal and Strife. “I know.”
    “Okay.” Her voice was a little bit higher and she put the bucket back down and turned away from him, Neer saw her take a deep breath but it seemed like she didn’t care if he saw or not. 
    He turned away also, facing the machine he was using. He started to feel a weird heat in his chest and his heart beat faster. He was always nervous around people but why so much for this girl? He barely even had a conversation with her. 
    Neer turned his head and caught site of Serena staring at him, but she yanked her gaze away as soon as he saw. 
    Maybe because she is unbelievably pretty, or maybe it’s because, for some reason, I really just want to talk to her. 
    Minutes went by with silence. 
    It was almost unbearable until he heard Serena start to leave, putting her clothes back in the bucket. 
    Say something!
    Neer took a deep breath.
    You can do it! 
    “Wait!” Neer whipped around and Serena stared at him, her beautiful eyes blinking up at him curiously and a little defensively.
    “See you around?” 
    The tiniest of smiles appeared on her face.
    “Sure thing.” 
    And then she was gone. 


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Tue Jan 21, 2014 10:46 pm

    I did not expect or want to ever see Neer Cotter again. 
    It has been a couple days since our awkward laundry room meeting and I have avoided him at all costs, even more then how I avoid everyone else. 
    Neer was cute, I can admit that, and he was shy and had a sincere sweetness about him but I don’t need friends, or whatever Neer might want to be with me. 
    I know how most guy’s minds work by now, it was obvious how he stared at me, I can’t exactly blame him since I didn’t exactly hide my ‘innocent’ glances at his chest and waist but I doubt he noticed, plus usually if I see someone in undergarments it is instinct to stare. 
    Still, I don’t want any friends. 
    So when I was waitressing at the restaurant on a Wednesday at lunchtime, I was a little startled to see a certain person sitting at a booth with a laptop, typing away not even looking up. 
    Why did you have to come here? 
    He looked up and his eyes met mine, a spark of recognition and happiness ran through them and he lifted his hand tentatively. 
    He was waiting for me. 
    It was obvious
    He waved a large hand at me, nervously beckoning me to come over. That was a little more bold then I expected. 
    I strutted over, my boots clicked against the hard floor giving me a weird confidence. I stopped at the table and tapped my pen to the notepad I held. 
    “Hey.” My own voice surprised me, Neer blinked up at him, hazel eyes wide and shining. I cleared my throat. 
    Focus, he’s a customer. 
    “What can I get you?”
    “Actually.” His voice came out slowly, like he was trying to make every word precise. “I wanted to ask you a question.”
    I glanced around and didn’t see my boss any were so I sat across from him.
    “Ask away.” Why are you so interested in what he has to say?
    “I’m entering an article about mental health to The Minds of Seattle and-”
    No, no don’t you dare.
    “I was wondering if-”
    Don’t say it, say anything else, anything. 
    “I could interview you for the anorexia section.”
    I slammed my fist down on the table making him jump, he leaned back as I moved forward and a surprisingly cat-like hiss came out of my mouth.
    “How do you know I had anorexia?” How dare he just ask me that, how dare he think he can casually bring something like that up, how dare he. 
    Neer blinked at me, fear clearly in his eyes and I could see his breath quicken. 
    “After w-we met, I asked Kendal about you and she said that when you first moved in that Fox looked you up and they found out that you had anorexia so then she told me that and then I figured I should ask you for my project instead of going to the hospital and asking someone else, I know this is awkward but I was hoping that since you-you beat it that you would be more comfortable talking about it then someone who is dealing with it right now!”
    His voice got higher at the end of his ramble and his large hands shook, I leaned back and felt my chest unknot. He is sincere, I had nothing to be afraid of.
    I was a little ticked that Kendal told someone about it and that whoever this ‘Fox’ looked me up but I can deal with that later.
    I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting myself relax.
    I could hear my moms voice in my mind. One of the steps to letting go and moving is on, is being able to talk about it freely, being able to not think anything of it. It is your past, face it. 
    “Okay.” 
    “Really?” 
    “Yes, I don’t mind.”
    “Thats surprising.”
    “Excuse me?” 
    “Oh! No no no! Not that I think you’re weak or anything, you’re probably not-”
    “You’re hurting your case right now.”
    “I-” Neer got a distorted look of anger on his face and her balled up his fists like he was going to punch me, I slid back on my seat. 
    “I was teasing, calm down.”
    Neer sighed and looked up at him, his eyes looked old, to old for his actual age. 
    “I’m sorry.”
    “Don’t be, you didn’t do anything, I know what you mean but can we meet up later so you can interview me? My boss is glaring at me right now.”
    Neer nodded energetically “Yea that would be fine.”
    “I get off at 4, come back then.”
    “Or I could stay.”
    “Or you could stay.” I agreed and slipped out of the booth, becoming uncomfortable with Neer’s stare. 

    “I fucking hate you.” 
    Kendal’s amber eyes glanced up at me with curiosity as she fixed the wine bottles behind her. 
    “Again?” 
    “Don’t fuck around with me Cloud, I know you know about my anorexia.” I spit out the words and glared at her with pure anger and Kendal just sighed. 
    “Sorry, it sort of slipped out.”
    “You shouldn’t be fucking looking me up anyway, who the hell do you think you are? Going through my personal business, don’t ever fucking do that again.” 
    “I didn’t look you up. Fox did.”
    “Well whoever this ‘Fox’ is, he’s fucking dead.”
    “You’ve met Fox.” 
    “I don’t really give a shit do I? And how can you be so calm about this! What if I looked through your private life and told everyone. I don’t enjoy being the entertainment of your little club okay? Don’t fuck with my life and I won’t fuck with yours.” 
    “Serena.”
    “What?” I whipped around when I started to walk away. Kendal wasn’t goofy 20 year old right now, she was calm adult.
    “No one cares about your past, maybe if you bothered to leave your apartment and make some friends you would see that every single person in my little ‘club’ has a problem like yours, as does Neer, so I get that you don’t want people knowing about your life but you should also know that no one is going to judge you on it either.” 
    “Whatever.” I snarled and turned again grabbing a tray and walking away from Kendal and the bar, not wanting to deal with anyone or hear about anything Kendal was saying. 
    I don’t want friends, I don’t want relationships, I especially don’t want people whom I don’t plan to ever talk to knowing about my past. 
    I really hate to talk or think about my teenage years.
    When I was 13 I started to starve myself, throw up the food I ate all because of my self confidence and pressure from school. It got worse and by the time someone noticed it was to late for me to just go to a councilor or get meds, I needed professional help.
    I spent around 3 years in a rehab center, when I was 16 I was finally allowed to go back to school. I stopped purging food and I felt good about myself.
    Until a couple months later I relapsed and went back to the hospital until I was 21. I spent the majority of my teenage life in a hospital, having needles in my arm to sustain me, meanwhile my ‘real’ friends were out having fun and some of them even turned of me, turning everyone else against me so when I even saw the kids in my neighborhood they would make fun of me, laugh, call me names. 
    I was mocked and humiliated. 
    When I moved to America I was beyond proud of myself, I ate every day, trying my best never to miss a meal. My parents were worried about me, they thought that if something happened then they couldn’t be there to help. 
    But I moved anyway and I’m glad I did. 
    I do things I never though I would do. I can eat 3 bowls of ice-cream in one night and I don’t feel one shred of guilt. I’ll always be skinny, thats just my body type, but I am fit and I treat myself now. Something I never thought I could do.


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  iggy on Sat Jan 25, 2014 7:16 pm

    HIGH PITCH SCREAMING NOISE OH MY .... THIS IS SOOOO GOOOD AHHH
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  iggy on Sat Jan 25, 2014 7:16 pm

    i love how you narrate as serena and i love her inner monolouge and wow i just i cant no stop
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Sat Jan 25, 2014 7:20 pm

    stoppp ittt

    thankyoubeautifulperson


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Wed Jan 29, 2014 11:05 pm

    I did not expect or want to ever see Neer Cotter again. 
    It has been a couple days since our awkward laundry room meeting and I have avoided him at all costs, even more then how I avoid everyone else. 
    Neer was cute, I can admit that, and he was shy and had a sincere sweetness about him but I don’t need friends, or whatever Neer might want to be with me. 
    I know how most guy’s minds work by now, it was obvious how he stared at me, I can’t exactly blame him since I didn’t exactly hide my ‘innocent’ glances at his chest and waist but I doubt he noticed, plus usually if I see someone in undergarments it is instinct to stare. 
    Still, I don’t want any friends. 
    So when I was waitressing at the restaurant on a Wednesday at lunchtime, I was a little startled to see a certain person sitting at a booth with a laptop, typing away not even looking up. 
    Why did you have to come here? 
    He looked up and his eyes met mine, a spark of recognition and happiness ran through them and he lifted his hand tentatively. 
    He was waiting for me. 
    It was obvious
    He waved a large hand at me, nervously beckoning me to come over. That was a little more bold then I expected. 
    I strutted over, my boots clicked against the hard floor giving me a weird confidence. I stopped at the table and tapped my pen to the notepad I held. 
    “Hey.” My own voice surprised me, Neer blinked up at him, hazel eyes wide and shining. I cleared my throat. 
    Focus, he’s a customer. 
    “What can I get you?”
    “Actually.” His voice came out slowly, like he was trying to make every word precise. “I wanted to ask you a question.”
    I glanced around and didn’t see my boss any were so I sat across from him.
    “Ask away.” Why are you so interested in what he has to say?
    “I’m entering an article about mental health to The Minds of Seattle and-”
    No, no don’t you dare.
    “I was wondering if-”
    Don’t say it, say anything else, anything. 
    “I could interview you for the anorexia section.”
    I slammed my fist down on the table making him jump, he leaned back as I moved forward and a surprisingly cat-like hiss came out of my mouth.
    “How do you know I had anorexia?” How dare he just ask me that, how dare he think he can casually bring something like that up, how dare he. 
    Neer blinked at me, fear clearly in his eyes and I could see his breath quicken and when he spoke his voice rose with each word. 
    “After w-we met, I asked Kendal about you and she said that when you first moved in that Fox looked you up and they found out that you had anorexia so then she told me that and then I figured I should ask you for my project instead of going to the hospital and asking someone else, I know this is awkward but I was hoping that since you-you beat it that you would be more comfortable talking about it then someone who is dealing with it right now!”
    His voice got higher at the end of his ramble and his large hands shook, I leaned back and felt my chest unknot. He is sincere, I had nothing to be afraid of.
    I was a little ticked that Kendal told someone about it and that whoever this ‘Fox’ looked me up but I can deal with that later.
    I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting myself relax.
    I could hear my moms voice in my mind. One of the steps to letting go and moving is on, is being able to talk about it freely, being able to not think anything of it. It is your past, face it. 
    “Okay.” 
    “Really?” 
    “Yes, I don’t mind.”
    “Thats surprising.”
    “Excuse me?” 
    “Oh! No no no! Not that I think you’re weak or anything, you’re probably not-”
    “You’re hurting your case right now.”
    “I-” Neer got a distorted look of anger on his face and her balled up his fists like he was going to punch me, I slid back on my seat. 
    “I was teasing, calm down.”
    Neer sighed and looked up at him, his eyes looked old, to old for his actual age. 
    “I’m sorry.”
    “Don’t be, you didn’t do anything, I know what you mean but can we meet up later so you can interview me? My boss is glaring at me right now.”
    Neer nodded energetically “Yea that would be fine.”
    “I get off at 4, come back then.”
    “Or I could stay.”
    “Or you could stay.” I agreed and slipped out of the booth, becoming uncomfortable with Neer’s stare. 

    “I fucking hate you.” 
    Kendal’s amber eyes glanced up at me with curiosity as she fixed the wine bottles behind her. 
    “Again?” 
    “Don’t fuck around with me Cloud, I know you know about my anorexia.” I spit out the words and glared at her with pure anger and Kendal just sighed. 
    “Sorry, it sort of slipped out.”
    “You shouldn’t be fucking looking me up anyway, who the hell do you think you are? Going through my personal business, don’t ever fucking do that again.” 
    “I didn’t look you up. Fox did.”
    “Well whoever this ‘Fox’ is, he’s fucking dead.”
    “You’ve met Fox.” 
    “I don’t really give a shit do I? And how can you be so calm about this! What if I looked through your private life and told everyone. I don’t enjoy being the entertainment of your little club okay? Don’t fuck with my life and I won’t fuck with yours.” 
    “Serena.”
    “What?” I whipped around when I started to walk away. Kendal wasn’t goofy 20 year old right now, she was calm adult.
    “No one cares about your past, maybe if you bothered to leave your apartment and make some friends you would see that every single person in my little ‘club’ has a problem like yours, as does Neer, so I get that you don’t want people knowing about your life but you should also know that no one is going to judge you on it either.” 
    “Whatever.” I snarled and turned again grabbing a tray and walking away from Kendal and the bar, not wanting to deal with anyone or hear about anything Kendal was saying. 
    I don’t want friends, I don’t want relationships, I especially don’t want people whom I don’t plan to ever talk to knowing about my past. 
    I really hate to talk or think about my teenage years.
    At 4:00 P.M. Neer cotter still sat at the same booth, it was interesting to watch him. He could type wildly getting pages down in minutes and then the next second he would lean over and stare blankly at the screen, not moving a muscle. 
    I walked over, taking off my apron and plopping down across from him in the booth, his head perked up once he heard me sit down, a tiny smile appeared over his face but it was quickly gone. 
    “Ask away.” I had grabbed a soda from one of the machines in the front of the restaurant and I raised one eyebrow at him thinking: bring it.
    “Well alright.” He blinked once and the nervousness seemed almost gone in him. He hunched over his computer looking at it intently then he looked back up at him. He looked determined. But I’m not sure for what. 
    “When did you realize you had anorexia?”
    “Realize? Or when I actually started to have it.”
    “Started then realized.” 
    “Started: around 13. Realized: around 15. I was in denial.”
    He nodded his head and typed quickly then looked back up at me. “Why?” 
    I shrugged and propped my elbow on the table putting my head in my hand. “I don’t know. Maybe I just didn’t think I could hate myself that much, but deep down I did, I just didn’t realize it yet.”
    “Makes sense.” He mumbled as he typed.
    I rolled my eyes but then noticed something, I watched Neer’s hands type, there were full of momentum, never missing a key or anything, they seemed almost delicate. But that was not how they looked. 
    Neer’s hands were big, like size of my face big, and if that wasn’t enough but they had a startling amount of bruises and cuts on them.
    Does this guy fight for a living or something?
    “What triggered it to happen?”
    Neer’s annoyed voice snapped me out of my thinking and I glanced up at him.
    Yea Serena, what triggered it to happen.
    “Well.” I started, my voice shaky and I saw my hands start to tremble so I sat on them. “I guess it started out as stress. Stress from work, family, friends. Everything. It really got to me and I think one day I just skipped eating, then the next day I skipped again, and again and again. My mom would ask if I was hungry and I would lie and say I already ate. The more stress I had piled on, the more I hated myself. I couldn’t keep up with the work load, I couldn’t fulfill what I needed to get done, I was a failure.” 
    You’ve said to much, stop.
    “It didn’t help that I had no friends, I was bullied, I don’t why even. The kids were just mean. I used to think it was there fault, I was a victim. But I wasn’t. I was just as nasty to them as they were to me, I was antisocial and rude, I put myself higher then them and for what? I still don’t know why. But once I realized it, the self hatred just intensified. I hated myself, so I wanted myself dead.”
    The last sentence slipped out. I usually don’t tell people I’ve just met that I used to want to kill myself, article or not. 
    I was staring at my lap and listened to here the sound of Neer quietly tapping away, but it never came as I suspected. I looked up and Neer was staring at me, his eye were wide with empathy and a familiar shadow of knowing, that I didn’t understand. 
    “I’m sorry for making you say all that, I know you didn’t want to tell me and I’m grateful you’re letting me write about you, people need to understand more about these types of mental illnesses.”
    I opened my mouth to speak but then Neer interjected.
    “May I type it word for word?”
    “Of course.” I nodded and winced at my own behavior, I can’t understand why I am so comfortable telling a complete stranger this. 
    Neer typed quickly, glancing up at me every so often but his fingers never left the keys. 
    “Did it hurt as fuck?”
    “Eloquent.”
    “Sorry, I suck with words.”
    “Says the writer.”
    “Speaking words.”
    “Then we match, neither am I.”
    He smirked, but then looked at me seriously. “Are you going to answer the question?”
    “Are you going to be an asshole? Of course I’m going to answer the question, sheesh. Yes, okay, it hurt a fuck ton. I was starving myself for God’s sake of course it’s gonna fucking hurt. I mean, I was hospitalized, yes, it hurt.” I saw Neer type something, “You’re seriously typing my shitty answer?”
    “I can make it sound better.”
    “Ah huh. Ya know, after you’re done, I wanna read it.”
    “Fine by me.”  
    “You said you were hospitalized, correct?”
    “Yup.”
    “So who caught you on it? Who found out.”
    “My dad.”
    “Oh.”
    “What did you expect me to say?
    “I don’t know, I usually don’t hear about a lot of good dad relationships.”
    “Thats bullshit, my dad is really one of my best friends, I don’t have many friends, all of them are back in South Africa and all of them are crazy but no my dad, he was always there. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom, but she worked and she was a busy, my dad took the time.”
    Neer’s hazel eyes were soft and a smile curled up at the end of his lips, he quickly looked down and typed something then looked back up, putting his elbow on the table, his chin resting on his hand.
    “You talked about bullying. Did the kids look at you weirdly?”
    “Oh yea, especially after I got back from the hospital. I went to a small school so word got around, I always got disgusted looks and hushed whispers. I would rather they just come out and say it to my face, but I suppose everyone would rather want that.”
    “Then you could handle it simply.”
    “Exactly.” 
    This is weird I thought as I felt an uncomfortable stirring in my stomach when Neer smiled at me I guess he’s sweet. And cute. 
    A slight buzzing noise came from Neer’s lap and I frowned. He whipped his phone out of his pocket and moved his thumb across the screen clicking a few things then his eyes flickered up to me apologetically “Sorry.” He said quickly and then put the phone back down. “I have to go, but I’m not finished yet so I was wondering if we could meet up again later.” 
    “Yes, defiantly.” Woah Serena, way to sound clingy. 
    He smirked. “Good, I was wondering if we could go somewhere less...crowded.”
    I nodded, my heart felt like it was pumping way to fast, I had an interest in this Neer, I wanted to find out more about him, but I had no idea why. “I don’t know if you have a certain place that you would be more comfortable in-”
    As much as I was interested in Neer I wasn’t to keen on being somewhere completely alone with him. 
    “We could sit in the dining area.” 
    “Oh, yea okay.” He managed a smile but still looked disappointed and I felt a familiar burn of anger inside me. 
    “Unless that’s not good enough for you?” My own voice surprised me, it was a little more rude then I intended. 
    “No, no it’s fine actually, that’s great.” Neer flashed me one more smile and then stood. “Nice seeing you again, lets say we meet up here tomorrow?”
    “Can’t, working, it’s Friday. I work on Friday’s, you free Saturday?” 
    I stood up and held out my hand “Nice to officially meet you.”
    Neer looked warily at my hand, like it was a weapon. He tentatively lifted his own hand and I tried not to feel offended by the tiny bit of disgust in his eyes. “You too.” 
    Yea right. 
    He finally touched his hand to mind and shook it, his skin was rough under mind with many callouses and scars, but they were nimble and strong from hard work I suspected. 
    Neer yanked his hand away and smiles politely. “See ya.” He backed away and turned, while clutching his laptop he turns and almost slammed into the door and walked out into the parking lot. 
    Well alright. 
    I turned around, walking back into the kitchen to grab my things and then went to my car. I turned toward the street, smiling at the thought of seeing Neer Cotter again.



    Neer opened the door to his apartment, he looked down at his hand and smiled at it, remembering the feel of Serena’s hand against his own.
    Her skin was soft. 


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Wed Jan 29, 2014 11:22 pm

    AWWW THE ENDING IS SO SWEET

    and wow you tied everything together so well and his personality was like dead on as far as i can tell so u don't have to worry about that


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Wed Jan 29, 2014 11:24 pm

    yaaaay!
    im so glad, i was hoping you would like it, i was scared since it has more talking neer though not much, so ya i was scared....yay i guess


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Wed Jan 29, 2014 11:26 pm

    lol i love their back and fourth talking especially at the little paragraph with that fancy word eloquent. laughed at that :p

    r u gonna continue it any time soon? O.O


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