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    Anything Writing, Critic

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    Emzzz<3

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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Emzzz<3 on Tue Oct 23, 2012 8:30 pm

    Soo idk if im done my prologe yet but this is all i typed, i rite mine


    Prologue

    The pride was running through the trees, jumping over rocks and snares. Staying hidden in the woods they were chasing the wolves, who were killing anything or anyone in their way.
    Their leader, Dakota, was on his last life. The members of the pride were searching desperately for his daughter but had no luck.
    There were several different species at the time. The katzes, the blutsaugers, and the draufgangers. The katzes were some-what like cats. They had claws, night vision and superb hearing. The blutsaugers were like vampires. They were much more civilized then any of the other species. The have skin white as paper, eyes as piercing as ice that creeps into your very soul and contain a natural beauty and grace that no other being could completely equal, even though the katzes and draufgangers were fair of skin. The draufgangers were more wild then blutsaugers and katzes. If a male or alpha female then they turn into a wolf, once hitting puberty, but if a female then they grew claws and fangs. Born with these features the draufgangers quickly learn to control these features. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
    Once the draufgangers were chased off of the katzes territory they retreated home.
    "Sir with all due respect," Alek said "I think you should lay kind of low with the patrol stuff due to the fact that if you continue to hunt for your daughter then the entire pride shall starve. "
    "Well excuse me for wanting to find my own kin!"
    "But Dakota-"
    "Enough I shall never give up hope that my daughter is alive!"
    Alek looked down feeling great pity for his leader yet also feeling great worry for his pride. Leaving Dakota scowling to himself low curses. One back out in the clearing he saw Rubin and Bell working on some sort of conjunction that he did not ask to know of.
    "Alek!" He turned around to see Valerie calling to him. Valerie had had a crush on Alek ever since he found her in the woods. Knowing his duty as son of the deputy he turned around and put on his nice guy attitude. "I've been looking for you everywhere!" exclaimed Valerie. "Sorry 'bout that Val." Alek said trying to sound as nice as possible. "Oh ya that's uh- cool, so have you guys have an idea of where this lost daughter is?" "Uh-no, sorry." Alek replied eyeing where he would make his escape. "Oh ya? Well I think I have an idea on who precisely it is." "Oh is that so?" Alek said in a taunting voice "Uh-h, her name's Ashlyn; she's tall, long dirty blonde somewhat light brown if you look at it from a certain angle ah yes and she has Dakota's strong features." "And you know th-" Valerie cut him off. "I wasn't done, ya know! Anyways she was being stalked by these Indians who's scent I recognized," she boasted a little too loudly .
    After being explained the rest of the details Alek ran swiftly off into the woods.
    Three miles away from camp he heard a high-pitched scream around a half-a-mile away. "I hope I'm not too late for my tea party." He mumbled under his breath. Stalking quickly into the direction of the scream Alek saw two tall men leaning over a girl with dirty blonde hair which was knotted and tied back by a piece of leather. The two men whispered into the girl's ear "Endwita goutra ut gunda tarila ed wetira." Alek soon realized what it meant. "We shall rule all, goodbye chosen one." "NO!" Alek yelled as he leapt in front of the two men separating them from the girl.
    "Aren't you suppose to help humans? Or have the little puppies not been happy with the bones they've been throwing you?"
    Alek said tauntingly
    "I wouldn’t get involved if I were you." The taller one spat.
    "Shut-it Vatra!" the smaller one warned
    "Ratnik, I'm deputy shush! Now, boy leave before you do anything you'll regret." " Don't lay a hand on her!" Alek said calmly.
    "We have an assignment from Glava and her new mate, Voda. As alpha says the pack does." Vatra said annoyed
    "I can tell but if the villagers find a dead girl out in their woods don't you think it would be obvious who did it?" Alek said taking a step closer towards them
    "Yes, a katzen, for they do not know of draufgangers, they only know of katzen who are idiotic enough to trust the humans, do they know of blutsaugers too?" Ratnik teased
    "That is not my concern, yet she is." Alek said nodding towards the body.
    "Yes, yes it is. We are simple villagers toward the humans, and you and your disgusting pride are a menus, not only towards us, but to most humans too. Yet some still worship you. Very unfortunate."
    "Ratnik I warn you now, stay off of our lands and you will not be having a problem. Also how do you know she is the one?"
    "She has shown all signs of it, shouldn’t you be the first to find your leader anyways?" Vatra said stepping away waving his hand across his face.
    "You reek by the way."
    "Thanks, and katzen don’t break the treaty like you all do. We agreed centuries ago that you had from the village to the river and we have the split oak to the sea."
    "We break the treaty? Five of you were on our land just yesterday." Ratnik said in disgust "If it is truly your chosen one then take her to you camp and burry her there, if you don’t then we shall take care of her ourselves."
    Alek growled then picked her up and ran into the woods. Sprinting back to camp he smelled a small group of Blutsaugers approaching.
    "Hello Alek."
    "Hunter, what are you doing on my land?"
    "Well i was about to tell you about her," she said pointing at the girl in his arms. "But you already found her so for good times sake lets just say to say hey to Dakota ight?
    Alek wondered whether or not he could trust her but decided that considering they were never visious before he'd accept them on Dakota's land. With a flick of his head he motioned towards the camp."
    "Then," a tall one said "Vamos!!"


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    Emzzz<3

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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Emzzz<3 on Tue Oct 23, 2012 8:32 pm

    I made this in August, a b) ok (plz dont 4gt art of racing in rain) and c) i gtg sry ill critwue it 2moro byeee <<333
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Tue Oct 23, 2012 8:39 pm

    uh its good but you already posted it.. i mean something oher then your prolouge and BYE
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    Legolas

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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Mon Nov 12, 2012 8:07 pm

    hey i working on 1 of the first chaps in meh book now

    brb gotta eat diner


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Mon Nov 12, 2012 8:19 pm

    ok gonna start mine
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Mon Nov 12, 2012 8:47 pm

    oh by the way i probably wont finish the firstchapter today maybe. because i have to explain ... well everything. but maye i will i know exactly ho i gonn write it and i will try to finish it quick
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Mon Nov 12, 2012 9:00 pm

    ok and same here i might split the first chapter into 2


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Mon Nov 12, 2012 9:04 pm

    k and a bunch of annnoying little kids in my house .. ugh
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Mon Nov 12, 2012 9:18 pm

    huh? who? oh is it little boy scouts?


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Mon Nov 12, 2012 9:20 pm

    yup
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:08 pm


    sorry its reaaaaaally long. and btw i still dont no what to name emo dude and not sure of autumns name


    "First day, first day , first day!!!" my sister Autumn comes bounding into the room on top of my bed.

    I moan and rolls over closing my eyes again. "Isnt it snowing again? no school..."

    "since when do they ever cancel here because of snow? It snows like every other day!" She rips the covers off me and a chill goes down my back. I yelp and scrunge into a ball trying to stay warm.

    Then i feel 2 fingers sharply jabbing into my sides and i squeal in laughter as she tickles me. I jump up almost hitting the fan above my bed. "Ok, ok i'm up!"

    "good" she crosses her arms looking satified.
    "Now leeeeave." I turn her around and push her out of my room, closing the door behind her. I quickly brush out my long red hair and slip on my baggy army green cargo pants, and my favorite grey wolf shirt. i know you probably dont care but i do!

    I glance at the make-up kit my sis gave to me a week ago for school and roll my eyes putting it under my bed.
    Waste of time. Who needs it? I grab my forest green hoodie, pulling the hood up in our cold house and run down the steps.

    I grab my bookbag i prepared the night before and stick a piece of bread into my mouth. I say goodbye to mom and dad and they tell me to have fun on my first day.

    "your going like that?" Autumn inspects me. She pushes her dark auburn hair behind her ears and adjusts her head band.

    I stuff a slice of buttered toast into my mouth. "fumfing wong?" i mumble through the bread. I shove my feet into my ruff terain lace up snow boots, and open door waiting for her reply.

    she straightens out her skin tight jeans and her YOLO shirt. "whatevs. come on sista!" She puts her arm around my shoulders and walks with me out of the door.

    We walk our way down the snow covered road. it's really not much of a road. there's a few stray trees and there's always at least 4 inches on it, except for a few weeks in the summer.
    My sister is pretty cool. She's popular, but she's not snobby. I like her friends but they're not my crowd. We pretty similar. But she's 17, 3 yrs older than me, and she's a senior. We both have the same blue-grey eyes with crazy slightly wavy red hair but hers is much darker. I'm kinda short, but she says people don't normally mind that especially if this is my first year at Callar High.

    We arrive at the front of the school and there's buses rolling in and kids driving up in their trucks- not many luxery cars, i mean seriously in snow?-
    Autumn insists on helping me to my locker and classes but i convince her i can do it be myself. She nods and waves to me walking over to her friends and into the school.

    I make my way through the doors and push my hoody down and my bangs out of my eyes, but they flop back down anyway. Oh well. it was worth a try.
    Not many people notice me i get a few glances at my baggy pants but no one has said anything yet. I look down at the sheet of paper they sent to us in the mail and follow the instructions.
    I find my locker and unlock it with the correct numbers in a few tries. I empty a few things and start to walk towards my first class still studying the sheet. Someone bumps into me and i stumble dropping the books that didnt fit.

    "watch it!" i spit at a tall boy with blonde hair that looks like he straitened it then gelled it into spikes.

    "maybe the newbie should pay attention to those around her." He says scowling

    "maybe you need to stop having your mom help you with ur hair." i bit down on my lip trying not to burst. a few people had stopped in the hall to eavesdrop.

    "you think you could talk to me like that?" his hands ball into fists. "at least i don't look like shitty homeless dude"

    i smile at him. "How bout I change up tour hair a bit and--

    "come on jax" a tall girl with bob cut light brown hair wraps her arms around Jax's waist. "she's not worth it. she's trying to madden you with her boring looks."

    My fists clen h at my side "madden you with my--"

    "see ya loser." the girl says turning around dragging jax down the hall, him still staring daggers at me. I laugh to myself and pick up my books. Loser. Such a harsh word.

    The few people that had been watching had gone, but now Autumn was here.
    "What the hell! do you want them to hate you?!" she yelled in my face waving her arms all over the place. I look at her stunned.

    "and why are you laughing?" she sighs. "oh come on Winter." she steers my to my first class and pushes me into the room. "i suggest not being late next time" she whispers to me and runs off to her class.

    I awkwardly walk into the class.

    "Winter Raven? is that you?" a stubby man in a desk adjusts his glasses and looks down at his checkbook.

    "Mhm" i say then see his expression. "ahem.. i mean Yes thats me." someone snickers and i see a girl making faces behind me before i turn. "is that some animal or something?" she says making a cawing noise. half the class starts to laugh and shoulder my bookbag again becoming uncomfortable in front of everyone.

    "you can take a seat next to Mr. Calloway" he says nodding towards the back of the room at an empty seat next to a boy. the boy doesnt look at me.

    "Thanks" i shoulder my way to the back and people whisper cawing noises when i pass them. i plop down in my seat. The guy seems cool. "Hey" i say quietly when i sit down. He doesnt say anything. His purple and black hair in front of his eyes.
    "whatever no hello back is ok to." i say with a bit of humor. he doesnt say anything and gets his books out.

    "i am mr. Zinger" the teacher stand up and right his name on the board.

    "We're not in 1st grade." someone calls out and he shoots them a strick look and they shut up. He goes on about more about how things are going to be in this class and i tune him out. I glance at the dude next to me again. He has black skinny jeans with chains hanging down, a spiked belt, a black sleeve running up his right arm, and a black jacket with a bloodies skull on the side and a dark hollywood undead shirt. i raise my eye brows.

    he looks at me. "What?" He turns slightly my way and i notice how pale he is. His eyes almost look colorless they're so dark.

    "couldnt help noticing your shirt. i like it." i say and he gives me a funny look like no ones ever said anything good about it before. The piecing above his eyebrow twitches. "Oh." is all he can say then turns away again.
    I frown. i'm used to people who keep talking. like my sister and my friend Zoey who goes to another school.

    "Winter."
    I pop my head up looking at the teacer nervously not sure what we're on.
    "What's the correct answer?"
    "umm. hold on let me remember for a sec--"
    "Will. help Winter out will you? next time maybe she'll pay attention more."
    Will starts "scientists debate weather alien life in other systems are there or not."

    "aliens are real. one day they'll join the zombies on the apocalypse and take us for experiments." i whisper to the guy next to me.

    "your annoying." he says.
    "your boring"
    "sorry to disappoint you"
    "i'm not disappointed. hollywood undead makes me all happy inside. i say with a quiet crazy laugh. he looks at me weird and rolls his eyes leaning back in his chair while the teacher does something on his computer, explaining something.

    I lean back imitating him putting a serious look on and staring ahead.
    "Is there something wrong with you?" he says changing his postition in his seat so its not like mine.
    "i'm winter. i say
    "i know." mr. zinger already made that clear.
    "your suppose to tell me your name in return. " I say flatly
    "he opens his mouth to say something back obviously a annoyed but Mr. Zinger slaps our desks.

    "you two have something to share? or would you rather take it to the principal?"

    "I was asking...him a question on the ...paragraph. i say at my unconvinced teacher.
    "no more talking or you'll be writing that paragraph 100times." mr. zinger walks away back to the board.

    "caww caw. raven's with the emo boy." a boy says across from me
    "maybe she'll be cutting herself by tomorrow." the dude beside him says. "My brow said he hides the cuts under that sleeve"
    at first i dont no who they're talking about, but then i see Calloway-ya for now he's gonna have to go by his last name, to bad for him- shift uncomfortably in his seat and grips the sides of the desk. i didnt even notice that he would qualify as an emo. he had just seemed kinda cool to me.

    "shut up brat. " i spit across the room low enough so only the kids around can here.

    "hey snowy is defending her only friend. how cute." the girl says.
    "i'm not her friend." Calloway says. i ignore him.
    "beware" the boy says. "he bites." he makes a hissing noise and the whole class bursts out laughing mr. zinger turning around noticing whats happening.

    "leave him alone." I say getting angry.
    "You really shouldnt be down grading even more to people like him. your already low. you want to be at the bottom?
    "shut up!"

    "STOP RIGHT THIS INSTA--" mr. zinger says but the boy stand up over me cutting him off. "the emo kid isnt even saying anything. thats just sad. it makes me sad. truly." the guy says places his hand over his heart with a fake expression.
    Calloway grips onto his right arm gripping his sleeve.

    "I. Said. Shut up!!!" i say standing up forceing the desk backwards. the whole class goes silent and i bring back my fist ready to punch.











    Last edited by ZeldaFox on Tue May 28, 2013 11:17 pm; edited 1 time in total


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:16 pm

    ooooooh suspence!
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:18 pm

    u alrdy read whole thing?? gosh ur fast


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:19 pm

    i got skills. didnt you already know i a fast reader?
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:20 pm

    ya but.... uu make me feel stupid sometimes.

    im getting ice cream. ice cream makes me feel smart.


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:24 pm

    i make a lot of people feel stupid when i read .. its a blessing .. and a curse
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:25 pm

    that was a monk line


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:28 pm

    ok well gtg be on ipod
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:29 pm

    k i gtg anyway


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Tue Nov 13, 2012 11:43 am

    ok sorry before didnt fel well and didnt want to go on ipd
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Tue Nov 13, 2012 6:42 pm

    its fine i know we asked ur mom


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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Tue Nov 13, 2012 6:53 pm

    somehow i knew you would ...
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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:30 pm

    Chapter one- Maylee
    The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing- Walt Disney

    “There are no written records of when our world first started. We don’t even know where we come from. Well, one person does, our leader, Doutan. But a long time ago a ship landed on this glorious planet known as Saturn. Back then a raging war was happening. Four kingdoms: Whytirisk, who had the power of Irisk or more comely, the power of water. Celmatania, who had the power of Ciben, or electricity. Laskar, the power of Latem, or metal. And finally Trengaia, the power of Treg, or nature.
    “The four kingdoms had their own traits and similarities. Whytirisk were a swift and flowing sort of people, like the water. Celmatania were proud and strong, they lived of their strength. Laskar were silent but sturdy, they never backed down. And Trengaia were calm and loving, they lived among the animals and they were very peaceful souls. Our leader, Doutan, was a kind and hopeful man. He was more powerful than any of the kingdoms leaders combined. He stopped the war and the kingdoms made them there leader.
    “During the war, the kingdoms used the whole world to set up their land. Doutan decided that the kingdoms will still live on. But in a different way. They searched the world for the biggest continent and once they did they divided it up into five parts. Of course they didn’t use up the entire continent but most was used. They put the kingdoms in a circle and tried matching up which landscape suited them. This is why Trengaia is in the middle of a forest and why Whytirisk is closest to the ocean. Laskar is in the mountains and Celmatania is based around large rolling plains. In the center of the kingdoms they devised a new empire, which is now the capitol of our world. They called it Doutan, after the man who saved our brave world from wreckage. His kingdom had a little bit of all the other kingdoms in it. Doutan was an amazing man, and he is still alive as you know. He knows the secret to immortality.

    “As time went on the technology on our planet grew more advanced. While searching the solar system for life on out planets they discovered one with the same atmosphere as Saturn. People could live there. Of course back then there was none so Doutan called for an experiment. We were going to send people and animals to this new planet to see how they would live and thrive. This planet was tiny compared to ours and it wasn’t even close to being as exotic as ours but still people volunteered to go. Doutan named this planet Earth. The people who wanted to go were mostly mortals. Doutan let them go but he also sent some Benders too. As time went on, again, Earth grew farther and farther away from us. We sent them some of our own people to invent things and that is why they have the same electronics as us, like television and cell phones. Of course we are still more advanced than them today and we have the Benders which they do not. People on Earth wanted to live on their own so, generation after generation they never told their kin about Saturn. And that is the way we like it. We made good use of Saturn’s rings to know they are a force field, so earth thinks that no life can live here when, we’ve been here longer than them.

    “Any way, around the year of 1823 some of the supreme council’s members were saying that the poor people in this world were taking up space. Or something… Even today we don’t know the whole story. Doutan fought against it of course but he was overruled, even if he was the leader. The council made a tunnel to underground, and since our technology is powered by the sun we didn’t need pipes and such nonsense so the underground was free. They made a kingdom underground which as you know is formally called the Subs. Now in 2012 we live down here because we were considered “lower class.” How obnoxious. Doutan still fights today to get up out though!”
    Ok and that’s when I tuned out. Our teacher started going on a rant how unfair it was and junk and then she started to explain the monsters and sometimes the uperground need help and we are called to do missions for them.
    “So you all know our history now. We are all descendants of the great first four kingdoms and we all usually have Bender blood in us. Or some kind of fighting gene.”

    She then started continuing on the monster thing and how our world is different from other worlds and we have monstrous beasts and magic. How charming. Any way she started drawing on the black board and naming stuff. Whatever like I care.
    Oh wait. Hey! In case you haven’t noticed someone actually is narrating this junk. My name is Maylee Ti centra. I am 14 years old, female, and I live in the Subs, in a specific city named Fringe. Yes, my family was apparently one of the poor people. Of course how would I know I wasn’t alive then? It is interesting learning about our history though. We’ve always been ignored when we asked before. But now in the eighth grade they explain the whole history of our planet. It is interesting but sometimes the teachers freak out.
    A girl in my class raised her hand “Can you tell us about The Great Rebellion of 1825?” My teacher nodded and erased the board. “A couple years after our people were shoved underground some of the cities revolted. Like Zerm and Nazlie and they main one was-“
    “Canoon.” I whispered not so quietly. The class turned to me and my teacher said “Maylee? How did you know that?”

    “I’ve heard it somewhere … I think.”

    I heard some of my classmates snickering “Nerd.” I could hear them saying. My emerald green eyes darted around the room skittishly and I put my head on my desk. The teacher ignored them and continued with her speech “The cities wanted their freedom from the Sub and they attacked Cyree the capitol city of the Sub. Canoon and the other cities are still alive today, they’re just on infinite lock down.”
    The bell rang signaling us to go. “Ok class; see you later at the end of the day.”
    I grabbed my book bag and slung it onto by back and walked out of class. I leaned up against the wall waiting for my friends. Nala appeared with Lotus beside her. Let me give you a little description of my friends: Nala Kale, She is tall, around 5.9 and she has dark brown hair down to about her waist. She has pale skin and freckles and dark eyes. She can beat anyone in a race and she is double-jointed. Lotus Florez, average height around 5.4, she has shoulder length, deadly straight platinum blond hair, she is also very tan and she has icy blue eyes. Lotus is the more girly one out of the three of us, but we still love her.

    Lotus took out the little mirror she stored in her plaid, boring school dress pocket. I took a quick peek at myself. I have thick, jagged pitch black hair that is shorter on one. I have olive colored skin and dark green eyes. I’m around 5.5.
    Anyway back to something more interesting. Nala shoved books into her bag and cocked her head towards me. “How did you know the answer for that?” I shrugged “I have no idea.”

    The rest of the day was boring, well except gym class. Now that was fun.
    “Alright time for dodge ball.” Our gym teacher yelled. “What are the teams?” Lotus asked. “Girls against boys!” Nala yelled jumping up and down. “Ha! That won’t be fair.” an annoying kid named Taner said. He was just as tall as Nala and they always competed who was taller. Nala sauntered up to Taner, narrowing her eyes “Is that so?” she crossed her arms and stared Taner down. I could see a hint of fear in Taner’s eyes as he straightened his spine trying to match Nala’s height.
    “So are we doing boys against girls?” the teacher asked. Both Tanner and Nala didn’t take into consideration what their teams actually wanted, they just said “Yes.”
    “Alright, get the teams on either side of the gym!” the teacher yelled, and we did. As the girl team walked over Nala called us into a huddle. “Ok so girly girls, you guys just go sit in a corner or something. And not girly girls please maybe help. Don’t just start gossiping we are defending women’s rights here!”
    Lotus rose an eyebrow “Um Nala, I don’t think were defending women’s rights at all.”
    “Yes we are! We are showing those boys than girls are just as good!”
    “Yea but that’s not always necessarily true … I mean only like five girls actually try.”
    “I know! none of us are fat here! It’s, like, illegal to be fat on our planet-“
    “Nala I don’t think its illegal-“
    “You get my point. We have to teach those boys to stop being sexist pigs.” She hit her fist against her other hand “Nala style.”
    I sighed “let’s just get this over with.”
    We left the huddle and went to go stand on the base line. Our teacher brought the whistle up to her lips and a screeching sound came out of it. Nala rocketed off like a bullet. Some of the boys backed up when she grabbed a ball. She pegged it at a guy sending him on his butt. “Nala! It’s not the freaking Olympics!” I shouted. Nala ignored me and kept pegging at people. A loose ball sailed toward the floor and I dived forward, catching it. Meanwhile another ball nears my foot and I kicked it. I heard this: “Ha ha! You’re out! Dude your back in!” but I smirked. While the ball was in midair Nala jumped over me grabbing it and sent it spiraling back at the person who laughed at me nailing him in the head.
    Nala helped me up and we high fived. When I looked around I was happily surprised. A lot of girls were helping. I guess they wanted to beat the boys just as much as us. I saw a guy get hit in the gut and an excited squeal “Yea! Take that!” I looked over to see Lotus cheering. She looked at us and gave us thumbs up. We laughed but then Nala spotted a person in particular.
    Tanner.

    “Let’s finish this.”she growled. “Here.” She yelled at another girl and they passed her a ball. “Distract him for me.” was her order and I found another ball. I threw it at his head and he dodged, smirking at me. While distracted Nala drew her hand back and threw with all her might, smacking him right in the head. I’m pretty sure time slowed down. I’m also 99.9 percent positive I saw him spit drool out. The coach blew her whistle again when tanner landed on the floor. “Oww! I bit my tongue!” he yelled holding the side of his face.
    “You talk mighty well for someone who just bit there tongue.” Nala added, putting her hands on her hips.
    “I’m not lying!” sure enough he wasn’t. His mouth was all bloody when we opened mouth and he even spit on the floor, leaving a bloody mark.
    “Dude! Keep your blood in! Nobody wants to see that!” Nala covered her eyes.
    “Well maybe you should learn to stop trying to kill people!”
    “I never killed you!”
    I think Nala was on the verge of punching him when our teacher stopped her “Both of you knock it off! Tanner, go wash your mouth out we’ll see you back at class. As for you Nala when we comes down you are going to apologize. Now everyone go get changed.”
    As we walked to the changing room Nala imitated our teacher “When he comes back, go and apologize.” She snorted “yea right!” Both Lotus and I stayed quietly and we entered the room before anyone else. We quickly got out of our annoying gym clothes and into even more uncomfortable jumpers.
    “It’s torture wearing these things.” complained Lotus. I laughed “Just think. Next year we’ll go to high school and wear even worse stuff!”
    We got to homeroom and Tanner got back (No, Nala did not apologize) and we started getting packed up. Once our feet actually hit the pavement outside of school we started talking. “What this?” Lotus said and grabbed a flyer. On it was a picture of a short girl, maybe a year older then us, with pure white hair and startling dead blue eyes. The caption read: MISSING. PRINCESS LAVIGNE OF WHYTERISK.
    “Do you think Celematania captured her?” Nala asked
    Oh wait let me explain that to. Before today we all knew about the four kingdoms we just didn’t know the complete history. Right now Celematania and Whyterisk are in war. I guess opposites don’t attract. Any way as you know this girl is the princess of Whyterisk so obviously she is mission and right now they are all probably blaming Celematania.
    “Whatever. Doesn’t concern us.” I said and started to walk away with my friends now following. “So uh how is Cuti?” Lotus asked. Cuti is my older sister by the way. “Yea she’s fine.”
    I knew they wanted to ask me about someone else.
    “If you are wondering about Akar we don’t know.”
    Remember when my teacher was saying how the upperworld sometimes sends out people on missions. Akar was one of those people. Akar is also my older brother.
    “Oh.” Was all Nala said. Trying to get off that subject “hey, um, I have to do something at my house but after that want to meet at the Boulders?” Oh also, the Boulders are well … boulders.
    “Sure!” they both said. “Ok I’ll meet you there in a bit.” I said and rushed towards my house.






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    Legolas

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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Legolas on Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:49 pm

    good way to finish it and is lavigne blidges her last name?


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    Admin

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    Re: Anything Writing, Critic

    Post  Admin on Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:52 pm

    wow no dip and thnk you for your barely a compliment!

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